Let’s talk about solo sex—yep, the M-word: masturbation. For gay men and indeed all men, solo play is a completely natural, healthy part of sexual wellness. In fact, it’s practically the cheapest form of self-care out there (no spa appointment needed!). Masturbation not only feels good, but it’s actually good for you. Scientists and doctors agree that regular solo sex has a range of benefits, from reducing stress to helping you sleep better. So, if you ever needed permission to enjoy some quality “me-time,” consider it granted.
Healthy Benefits of Masturbation: Stress relief? Check. Better mood? Absolutely. When you orgasm, your brain releases feel-good hormones like dopamine and oxytocin that boost happiness and relaxation. Masturbation can even improve focus and ease tension. Ever noticed how a solo session can mellow you out after a long day? That’s the science at work. Some research suggests that frequent ejaculation (yes, including through masturbation) might lower prostate cancer risk in men. And of course, solo play is the safest sex possible—no STIs or pregnancy worries, just you and your hand (or favorite toy). It’s basically a free mood booster and sleeping pill in one, with zero side effects.
Making Solo Sex Part of Self-Care: Approach your solo sessions as you would a relaxing ritual. Maybe set the mood in your room—dim the lights, play some music that makes you feel good, light a candle if you’re fancy. This is your time to focus on yourself. Explore what turns you on without any pressure to “perform” for someone else. You’re both the MVP and the coach here, so enjoy that power! Notice what kind of touch, pressure, and pace bring you pleasure. Learning these things not only makes solo play better, but it can increase your confidence in partnered sex too. After all, once you know what you like, you can guide a partner with way more ease.
Busting Myths & Shame: Many of us grew up with mixed messages about masturbation (cue the old wives’ tales about hairy palms or it being “dirty”). In reality, masturbation is a normal part of human sexuality at all ages. There’s nothing shameful about taking care of your own needs. If you ever feel guilty, remind yourself that major health institutions hail it as a healthy behavior. You’re not alone—by adulthood, the vast majority of men masturbate, whether they’re single or in a relationship. In fact, many people continue to enjoy solo sex even when coupled; it’s a complement to partner sex, not a competition. Think of it as another facet of your self-care routine, like working out or meditating, except a lot more fun.
Tips for Your Solo Play:
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Get Comfortable: Find a private, comfy space where you can relax without interruptions. Lock the door, silence your phone—this is you time. Being worry-free helps you fully enjoy the experience.
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Use Lube or Toys if You Like: Lube can enhance sensation and prevent irritation (plus, it just feels great). Toys aren’t just for partnered sex either. A fleshlight, vibrator, or even everyday objects (clean and safe ones!) can add variety. There’s no one “right” way to masturbate; experiment and see what you enjoy.
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Explore Your Whole Body: Don’t forget, you’ve got more nerve endings than just the obvious ones. Some guys find nipple play, perineum (taint) massage, or anal stimulation (hello, prostate) extremely pleasurable solo. Solo sex is an opportunity to map out your personal pleasure spots.
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Mindful Masturbation: Sometimes, try slowing down and really tuning into the feelings. Focus on each sensation instead of racing to the finish line. This kind of mindful masturbation can make orgasms more intense and help you feel more in tune with your body. It can also reduce any performance anxiety you might carry into partner encounters.
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Frequency is Up to You: There’s no “normal” amount – it only becomes a problem if it’s interfering with your daily life or obligations. Whether you do it daily, weekly, or just when the mood strikes, let your own comfort be the guide. Your libido isn’t a fixed number and can change with stress, health, age, etc. So don’t worry about any comparing or counting – you do you (literally!).
Above all, enjoy yourself! Solo sex is an act of self-love (in more ways than one). It’s a chance to unwind, to learn about your desires, and to affirm that your pleasure matters – with or without a partner. Embrace it without guilt. As the saying goes, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?” – and RuPaul wasn’t even talking about masturbation, but it still fits. So light those candles, grab the lube, and make a date with the awesome person in the mirror.